The Forgotten Ones

I was just thinking over time how I've met people and exchanged phone numbers or email addresses and nothing has transpired between us. There are so many people that I've met and never contacted nor they have contacted me. And I was just thinking, why don't I just delete their numbers in my cell phone or delete those email addresses in my email accounts? I almost have some sort of nostalgic feeling for those times that I've met the people and favor the possibility of connecting with new people if I feel the need to. Why is it that others feel so obligated to ask for my  contact information and never bother to respond? Why are people so compelled to feel the need to connect with others and then not follow through? I just don't understand this. 


I really want to change this behavior in myself. I want to feel good about meeting people and exchanging information and actually follow through with further contact. Or just not exchange information and feel okay with this as well. I want to have strong convictions in my own belief system. I want to only connect with the people whom I really did make a strong connection with and be strong with the ones I didn't and say so to them. Does this situation really need to be politically correct? Do I really need to lie to others or not be my real self just to seek approval of others? No, absolutely not!


And really, how many times do I need to keep asking others if they want to get together before they say yes to an opportunity? Once, twice, three times? Come on, enough already. The correct term in this case is "dicking around." Stop saying oh I can't but do continue to ask me. Yeah right, and then one day I will be ever so delighted that you'll answer yes and hang out with me? Oh please, life is too short for this kind of torture. There are so many people to connect with. 


So yes, these are the forgotten ones I am speaking of. The ones I've met and never called, or met and hung out only a few times, or met and hung out for years and lost touch with...so many kinds of forgotten ones. One yearbook line I always thought was so cheesy is "Keep in Touch." Yeah right, who really does keep in touch? It's almost impossible with today's world. Or is it? Sometimes I wonder if I really can make the time or I just don't want to. Perhaps, it's not high on my priority list. 


I know for a fact that my family doesn't consider me high on their lists. I hardly ever receive calls from them. I used to call them all from time to time and see how they're doing. And sometimes when I called, their response was very sharp and short as if they really don't want to talk to me. Ouch, this is so harsh! My own flesh and blood, what did I ever do to you to make you spite me? 


The only time I seem to speak to them is when I go back home to visit and this is becoming a rare event for me as I get older. I just don't see the value in these relationships anymore. Do they really care? What if I died today? How long would it take them to find out? I know for a fact that they wouldn't call so my guess is there would be some paperwork that states my parents' names and then they would be notified of my death. That is the only way. Sad, but true. Such is life. 

Feel the Feelings

Why is it that people feel the need to hold in their feelings? I am struggling with this today. It's almost like we should just be robots and go through the motions without any feeling. Well, I guess today I don't want to hold in any feelings. Today, I feel sad and depressed. Not sure why I feel so reluctant to say this but I do. When you tell others something other than, "I'm feeling fine," it's almost like losing the approval of others. People don't want to associate with someone who is sad, hurting, or depressed, so put on a happy face for all to see! 


This is not so for me today, I have a right to have other feelings besides happiness. It seems strange that people dwell on finding happiness, but do we really know the meaning of happiness? And how could we know what happiness is like if we are never allowed to feel sadness? 


To be able to experience life fully, I think one must be able to experience all feelings without regret or remorse. I think that's truly what it is to become yourself and to be comfortable with being yourself.